Why we scatter ashes in Water

Life began in the ocean, we gave Anoushka back to her

Our son was 5 years old when his sister passed away. We have all been trying to understand death ever since. Of course no one really knows the depth of this process, only those who have died and sadly, they cannot return to let us know how it went, or whether cremation is the right path, or whether scattering ashes in water, as per the Hindu tradition, is the intended “rite of passage”.

Interestingly, I discussed death with Anoushka when she was alive. She seemed to understand that it is an inevitability of life. She used to say “Mummy when you die, I’m going to put your ashes in a jar and carry it around with me wherever I go so we’ll never be apart!” She would say it on occasion in her usual chirpy manner showing me how she would carry me. It was very loving and very Anoushka. She understood what it meant to be human and the cycle of life. This was her way of talking about her own path. I am certain that she would have liked me to carry her around with me. She was still being carried aged 8 as she could not walk and died cradled in my arms.

The Hindu and Indian culture has a distinct hierarchical quality to it, one which I have struggled with all my life. Whilst I respect that learned or well read Seers can give deep insight into how to manage challenges in life and I accept the benefit of rituals around key transitions, like birth, marriage and death; I reject the notion that wisdom comes because of the position a person holds in a given “system”, like a family or caste. Taking guidance on matters like death is a starting point but as the Hindu way of life promotes, going inwards to engage with our higher consciousness is important and we must take every opportunity to do so. Often the answers lie within us and before us, “seek and yea shall find”.

After Anoushka died, our son (aged 5) decided on an encyclopaedia about Dinosaurs (published by Penguin Random House) for World Book Day and asked me to read a spread every night from it. We both developed an enthusiasm for learning about evolution on planet earth. Here we discovered that Earth formed about 4.6 billion years ago, covered in molten rock. Comets, asteroids and planets bombarded the surface releasing floods of lava and water.

“As the young Earth slowly cooled, so did its atmosphere. Scalding steam released by volcanoes condensed to form liquid water that fell as rain, producing a downpour that lasted as long as a million years. Comets and asteroids brought yet more water. All the water pooled on the surface to form vast oceans.”

This sounds biblical, powerful and beautiful.

Next we learnt that life began with molecules that could replicate themselves. These self-copying molecules built cells and became bacteria.

“Some of the oldest evidence of life on Earth comes from stromatolites…Fossil stromatolites date back to 3.5 billion years ago. The bacteria in stromatolites live like plants, using the Sun’s energy to make food and in doing so releasing oxygen. Billions of years ago, they made enough oxygen to transform Earth’s air, paving the way for air-breathing animals to evolve.”

This encyclopaedia is by no means “the source of truth”. I am sure there are other theories and discoveries. What it has done for me, is serve as a starting point to talk our son and myself through the process of life and death. It feels right to me, that if life began in the ocean and spurned the evolution of air-breathing animals, then returning our daughter to “the source of life”, is but a natural place of rest.

This has enabled me to bridge our son’s understanding of why we cremate and scatter ashes in the Hindu tradition. Of course there is a practical reason for this too, as we originate in a hot country, cremation is a swift way of dealing with a diseased body and scattering them in the Ganges sounds like another practical way of disposing of the ashes. I prefer “the source of life” version, it’s poetic and comforting, although our son did wonder if the ashes would get eaten, a logical conclusion which he then attributed to the cycle of life so it all came full circle!

The Hindu belief extends this return to nature, to reincarnation, the cycle of birth and rebirth. It is said that scattering the ashes in the sacred water of the Ganges, releases the soul of all attachments and brings an opportunity for “Moksha”, “Liberation from the cycle of rebirth”. It is my core belief that reincarnation on Earth or indeed other planets is about learning and developing our souls. I believe this because my journey has left me with a deep sense that our children have been here before and an inner knowing that there is more to life than meets the eye.

Anoushka would look at photos of herself on my phone in the months leading to her death. Photos of her looking seemingly well, before medical intervention and drugs had taken over her life. She would often talk about a yearning to go back to the beginning.

My wish for Anoushka is moksha, I would like for her to be liberated from this cycle of rebirth as she certainly deserves it and I hope that if she decides to return, that she returns in the right body for her.

As I write this post, The Return to Innocence by Enigma is playing through my mind:

“That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence”